Certainty & uncertainty

These 2 word have been floating around in my head for the last few days & I knew I wanted to write about it but wasn't sure what to say. I am still not completely sure how this post will turn out but know that it is important to consider. So much of my life is lived amidst uncertainty... health, finances, transitions,work, the well being of my kids, God's call in my life - these are all categories that fall into the umbrella category of uncertainty. I am not saying that uncertainty is bad. In fact, I think it is necessary & good in my life to realize that I can not control many outcomes that occur and that ultimately, my faith in God needs to be at the forefront of how I live my life.


In the Bible (The Message translation) there is a verse that says "The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. "
...it makes life worth living. 


I love that! I often get caught in the trap that I wish I knew how everything would turn out. I wish things would happen faster. I wish I had a say. But I can not & do not. My faith gives me a handle on what "we can't see". The uncertainty in my life. I felt this incredibly as we began our adoption with our little man. The whole process meant placing our trust in other people & in God. It meant trusting even though I couldn't see who or when the outcome would occur. Beautifully and in God's timing it happened!! But it was through the times of uncertainty that I learned more about trust and faith and resting in the truth and that truly all things are in His hands. 

And we are forever thankful.

Now...fast forward to today. You think I would learn my lesson amidst uncertainty. But there is always another thing. Or two. Or three. For me these days, there are a few things that again...I am trying to lay down my control and listen. What is best for our family? What is best for me? For right now, I don't want to share all of them but one that is at the forefront happens in 24 days. The countdown is on. 


I get to go back to work!
I love my job. I am super excited. I miss the kids & families I work with. I miss my coworkers. But it means transition....like not being able to wear my Lululemon pants everyday! It means uncertainty. Will the older 2 do OK at after school program? Will the younger 2 do OK at daycare? Am I doing what is right for our family? Is little man ready for this? Did we give him enough time to bond, attach and be home with us? And the spiral of worry could continue. But this time (as this is now the 4th time I have transitioned back to work...) I have decided that it is what it is. I need to be disciplined with my thoughts. I can't answer all the questions...I have no idea. What I do know is that they are precious in his sight...and that I need to trust in that . Even with all the uncertainty.


So in a nutshell...I like to be in control. I know I can't be. I am learning not to be. I don't mind uncertainty. I have been blessed to realize how it has helped me grow as a person. I have learned a lot about my faith in God & trusting in Him at all times. I am truly excited about this next year & all the adventures it will bring!

Of that I am certain.


Blessings,
Candra