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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Dorm Living

Over one month ago I left Canada to bring our 3 new sons home. Has it only been one month?!?!?!? As I'm sure you can imagine, it's been a very unique & challenging time. But we have all survived! And even managed to keep a sense of humour too.  How could we not with these boys we can never keep inside???


One priority we made for the sake of the boys was to have me living in the basement with them & sleeping in their room. There are a lot of reasons why - I won't get into attachment & trauma & security topics here. In a kind of comical way, the last month has been a lot like being in college dorms again.... 
 So here are the top 10 reasons I feel like I'm back to dorm living: 
 #10 - I sleep in the same room as 3 other guys (& don't get much sleep). And there's always one annoying guy who figures they need to wake everyone else up because they are awake. Ps - I'm remembering you Langner!!! 
 #9 - Speaking of sleeping, I haven't been in my own bed for 4 weeks & lay on a really uncomfortable single mattress that is killing my back. Dorm bed all over again. 

my view every night
#8 - I'm hearing about video games & movies everyday (my new sons at one point were asking about Grand Theft Auto - somebody brought it to the orphanage on their laptop while visiting.... Someone needs to teach adults they should be more concerned with discretion than looking cool in front of kids!) 
#7- There's telling of macho stories of fending off animal attacks. My oldest son has taught us about hyenas and what to do (or not to do). 'A' has been hit so hard by a goat that it knocked him into the air. I hear about using slingshots against parrots, getting dragged around by goats, etc. So I tell them about chasing (and being chased by) bears. One-up-manship goes beyond cultural differences! 
 #6 - There's lots of bodily function sounds & LOTS of bad smells.... I can't wait to get the fecal test results back so we can medicate them properly. Huge respect points for my determined wife who had to take care of that collection 3 x 3 times while I've been at work!!!! 
 #5 - I need caffeine to make it thru any of my days. I'm up ridiculous hours and woken up at random times during the nights. I actually got better sleeps in college even though my 2nd year I was only in bed once prior to 2am..... 
 #4 - My 'floor' is the best. PERIOD. We come up with the stupidest ideas. I'm essentially living in a dorm: the basement is Main Men's 1 with 6 residents and upstairs is Main Ladies 2 with 3 residents. We see each other sometimes, but mostly by passing each other in the common areas. The guys floor is (as expected) more messy & smelly. And we never consider pranking the girls floor.... Not gonna lie, I've been messaging & emailing Candra from my temporary room. It's like we are dating & she lives 'off campus'.

This is a tame face.  'A' had one that made Candra almost throw up!  My 'floor' is really goofy.

#3 - I eat poorly at odd times. Dynamics during meal time are different than in college though. Meals have been a revolving door of enforcing rules. 'Don't throw things' or 'don't make the placemats into airplanes', 'everyone tries a little bit', & cleaning up food spills, reminding kids to use utensils & not their hands (or mouths right off the plate) etc. Ok, maybe it's not that different.... Ha! I start cutting food & policing while Candra serves. By the time she is ready to eat the new kids are done & getting into trouble, so I grab a couple quick spoonfuls before running off after them as she sits down 
 #2 - I constantly need to do laundry. Even though we do at least a load a day, it constantly piles up on us.
Speaking of piling up: this is fairly common whether I'm in bed or anywhere in the house....
And the #1 reason I wonder whether I am back living in a dorm..... (Insert drumroll here)......

#1 - I'm looking forward to life with a wife!
We find the odd quiet moment, but we were just joking today that important decisions get 60 seconds and everything else gets talked about in a lot shorter time spans. I'm enormously thankful for the intentional time we've spent working on our marriage & friendship. Without it & especially the grace of God, we wouldn't be able to joke around and still be willing to fight FOR each other (instead of just with each other). This may be the most challenging season of life we've been thru - and we've been thru a lot together. 
BUT.... Good bye dorm living!
This weekend has marked the transition out of 'dorm mode' for me. My stuff is mostly moved out of the room of our 3 new sons and most of my other regularly used items are making their way upstairs again from other areas of the basement. There has been some grieving from the boys about the change in sleeping arrangements, but I'll be hanging out just outside their room for as many nights as it takes to keep the progress up.  
On a funny/slightly annoying note. I literally timed it & it is very easy to hear 'dad?' 19 times in 15 seconds. Most times it's a lot more dad's/second. That's the speed I measure my time at home by. The slower the d's/sec the better for my sanity. I make sure to point out to my new sons (and the other 4 kids) that they sound exactly like the seagulls on 'Finding Nemo' (they've all seen it). Instead of 'mine', it's 'dad?'. Imagine that all day!!! Poor Candra has that at home all day.... 
Mom mom mom mom mom mom      mom       mom mom mom     mom mom mom mom....  
If you don't hear from us for another month, send reinforcements (preferably a full squadron).
Riley


Friday, December 6, 2013

Airport Pictures!

They are home...and all sleeping..and we are surviving:) With little time to write in the last couple of days, I am hoping the pictures will suffice!! A huge thanks to our amazing friend Avey for the amazing pics!! Here is just a few moments that she captured....


waiting for the doors to open...


first glimpse!

Introducing sisters and brothers!






reunited with his best friend from Ethiopia...what an amazing moment.



meeting Grandma & Grandpa

meeting Auntie and a brand new cousin:)

Thank you to Greg & Barb and Bekah & Arnie for bringing balloons- they were a lifesaver!

second hello to his friend...and with a shy smile this time!!!

Our welcome home party...thank you to ALL of you who braved the weather and came to support our family.
We are so thankful for such an awesome community of friends & family!!!

together

a smile captured from our A...ready to see what winter is like!

And hello to my love...the only one I would ever step into this adventure with.
Welcome home. I love you.



Blessings,
Candra


Monday, December 2, 2013

A day to remember

That will definitely be a day to remember!!!

A few highlights:
- picking up the boys & seeing the look on a couple of their faces
- teaching them to shower
- cuddling while watching a show together
- a short video call with our family in Canada where all the kids got to interact for the first time
- an unprompted 'sorry' after a very long defiant episode
- watching them discover butter & hate it - their faces were priceless (& it was just lightly on bread...)
- being saved by wrestling & tickling just when things were about to explode again
- boys being boys.... Ha!
- watching them sleep

I'd be lying if I told you this day was constantly filled with amazing moments of love & understanding.  We won't be speaking badly of our kids to anyone, but I'll just remind myself again (and maybe you) that we can't expect little ones to deal with all of the extreme range of emotions, changes, & trauma better than adults do.  So I'm thankful that God gave me enough strength & grace to end the day with empathy for them still.  And before you start feeling bad that I was handling it alone, let me stop you. This happens for the kids either way. I'm hoping it was a good sign that they didn't need to put on a 'I'm perfect' show - that they are comfortable & beginning to feel secure enough to be somewhat transparent with the highs & lows.  Candra has taught me so much & would have been amazing here, but I'm thankful she is at least fresh and ready to go when we arrive in Canada!

As exciting as all of this is, (honestly it is, more than not!), I really can't comprehend what these 3 are going thru.  The fact that they are willing & trying despite their history inspires me and causes me to respect the little men they are.  Now that they're coming home, it's my privilege to help discuss basic life skills & development.  And especially my excitement to help them find & reclaim the joys of just being a boy.


Sunday, December 1, 2013

AIRPORT PARTY!!!

We have been so thankful for God's provision & faithfulness over the last year and half...particularly for the last  8 months- the time we have known who are three sons are! And much of this thankfulness comes from being part of a bigger community of family and friends. For those of you who have prayed, encouraged, and supported us - we are so thankful for you. And for that reason, we want you to be a part of our welcome home celebration!!
Yes, the boys, will likely be very overwhelmed. And yes, it will probably be very quick (20-30 minutes). But we want them to know & see how much they are already loved but SO many! So consider this your invitation!!!!


We would like to invite you to our Welcome home Airport Party on Wednesday, December 4th @1:15 at Edmonton International Airport (International arrival gate). It will be a short time to celebrate with our community of family and friends that have been praying for them…Thank you for your continued prayers and support as we begin the adventure as a family of 9!

Riley & Candra Sexton