a year ago...and today.

It is one year from today that I heard my husband's voice over the phone quietly and calmly say "we have a son"....

I had left for Regina the day before for a continuing education course for my job. It was, amazingly, a course on attachment and the neurological basis for attachment.  I was sitting in the middle of the first day when the organizer of the course pulled me aside and said that I needed to call my husband as it was extremely urgent. My heart was racing because my grandma had been quite ill and I was worried that this was news about her (she is doing very well now, praise God!). So I phoned him and said hello....he answered with a very shaky voice "hello"....i asked if everything was alright (and by now I am going into panic mode) and he said those 4 beautiful words "we have a son"!
In that moment, I was shocked, overwhelmed, excited, giddy, terrified in a good way (cause now I had 4 kids!) and I sat in the office waving my arms around cause I couldn't jump, scream or hug anyone. I bowed my head and thanked God, because only through Him was this possible.  The organizer popped her head in again to ask if everything was OK and I briefly explained the scenario.... She told me to look up onto her shelf and there were multiple pictures of her son. She said with a big smile "congratulations, we adopted our son 21 years ago!". Wow.  After looking at the beautiful pictures of him on the computer I returned to the course where some of my colleagues were quite concerned. They asked me if everything was OK and I could hardly speak. I had printed off a picture of him and just held it up. One of my friends (and colleague) gave me a huge hug and said congrats!! She to has a daughter she adopted almost 16 years ago. Wow.
The course was amazing. I use what I learned at work and home quite a bit. There is so much (much more than I understand) about attachment and attachment theory but that is for another post.I also got to celebrate with friends and my husband and the kids (over the phone) and just soak it in....
It is amazing to remember the moment because time stood still. In an instant I was a mom to four. The culmination of the paperwork and a completely different process than birth had been completed and here we stood. Thousands of miles separated but knowing that our son was waiting for us.

Fast forward to this year. I have been so blessed over the last week by stories of adoption and people considering adoption.

We have friends who have several kids and are starting the process of adoption!
We have friends in the states who just passed court in Ethiopia...a step closer to bringing their baby girl home!
We met with friends last night who are waiting for their referral and were so blessed by their perspective and trust in God.
I received two emails this week, asking for help on where to start with adoption in Saskatchewan.
A friend from work - her brother & wife - just found out that they received their Visa for their little girl and are on there way to pick her up this week!
We met about run143 last night and there are now dates!!! Come join the fun...

I say all this because these are some incredible stories of how, I believe God is moving, to "set the lonely in families". Meeting our son "on paper" feels like yesterday, and yet we have been blessed with a year already of knowing Him. We are truly blessed that we get to be his mommy and daddy...love you little man!

Blessings,
Candra

awesomeness

So may baby girl is just about to turn three...

how cute is she...at 6 months!

and although I will do a birthday post next week, this needs to be said. 

She is awesome! 

Many people say "oh you have got your hands full with her" but I have to disagree, although she does keep us on our toes! Her name means "lively" and she is that but she is just my little princess, full of life, compassion and a whole lot of cuteness. She does not overwhelm me but reminds me to live life to the fullest, to be passionate about things (even if it is just for strawberry milk) and to forgive quickly. She is also showing off lots of new skills. The physical therapist in me is amazed that she is skipping and not even 3...and here are a few of her other tricks....

all by herself!

and today...in W*lm*rt, learned to ride a 2 wheeler with training wheels!

You are awesome and looking forward to celebrating birthday # 3 with you next week!

Blessings,
Candra

Perspective

During our homestudy process for little man, we had several discussions with our social worker about the amount of positive attention little man may receive as a result of the color of his skin and his age (baby...well, not anymore....morel like toddler!). We had thought about this and were aware that this may happen. What our social worker shed some light on, that maybe we hadn't thought about as much, is how this may affect our other children.

I have observed many times that when we take the kids out in public, eyes are almost instantly on little man. If they don't say anything, there are often big smiles and lots of awws. If they do say something, it is usually along the lines of "Isn't he cute" or "I love his hair" or "Where is he from?". I am not faulting anybody for these comments because we all agree as a family, that he is cute!!!
What the discussions with our social worker and these experiences have provided us with, is some perspective and ideas on how to intentionally parent each of our children in these situations. We didn't realize just how intentional we'd have to be with our other kids when we are out in public.  Often, as I mentioned before, little man gets almost all the attention.  We will intentionally mention our other kids, involve them in the conversation (however brief it may be) and give them affection as well meaning people are gushing over him.

What I have to say next though, is that I am completely and utterly amazed at how our kids have handled  these moments.  God knew what He was doing when he gave us these three blessings before little man. There has been absolutely no hints of jealousy, anger, or sadness toward the attention that he gets. In fact, they are usually answering all the questions and are unashamedly proud to call little man their brother. Given that little princess was just 2 when he came home and given her personality (which I am going to blog on soon....because she is just hilarious), I wasn't all that confident that she would react so positively.  She totally proved me wrong! She lately has been telling me that little man is her best friend. Love.....it. My older two love him crazily...my oldest to the point that when he is disciplined she defends him quite vocally! My older son never runs out of hugs or patience with him....it is so fantastic to watch the love and security they all find in each other.

So this is our new normal, which we love by the way! A normal which does not allow us to blend in but rather allows us to enter into discussions and share our story, parent with encouragement and love and keep on living life!

Blessings,
Candra

good.

This has been a good week. We were blessed to have a good friend  (Uncle Josh) join us for the weekend to work on our house. Riley is hoping to have the house (minus the garage) framed up by Wednesday. He continues amaze me as he works on the house, learning every step and following through it to completion! The end result will be incredible for our expanding family! And...we finally have power at the new place! yay!
This week has been good as well because I have been so encouraged watching my kids play together, care  for each other and have loads of fun together. That is not to say that this week has been without some tense times, some arguments and some tears. But they always end with forgiveness, hugs & kisses and unconditional love. Here are some of the moments I captured this week....

kisses for momma...never ever too many!

my little cuties...

my big cuties...so proud of their lego helicopter which they made by themselves!

little princess...if you know her I don't have to explain. Her name means lively...enough said! 

new haircut and a big, big smile!!

Life is good. never easy. but good. make sure to enjoy your family this weekend!
Blessings,
Candra

LOVE THIS...this is what it is all about!!!!!

Hope you enjoyed...this is truly what life is all about!

Blessings,

Candra

progress!

going to see the house...crazy fun!

on arrival!

little man checking out the build site

so thankful for good friends....


 

have a wonderful Sunday afternoon soaking up the sunshine!

Blessings,

Candra

Really that good?

I have truly been changed by adoption. The way I understand God. How I view all of my children. My understanding of grace. The feelings that rip through my heart when I see all the children who need sponsorship. The little ones I see at work who are in foster care. My sense of purpose and responsibility that extend beyond the safety of my family.  By I have been changed the most be this amazing little boy who is and forever will be our fourth son. Our adoption story of him is for another post, but every once in a while someone will ask if little man's adoption has really been as good as it sounds or looks?

Just a quick synopsis: Our process, from approval from the province to having him home was extremely fast, about 6 months. And although my guilty feelings and questions about why us sometimes get the best of me, I know that it was truly God's perfect timing that little man came home when he did.


The answer to the above question is yes. It has been an extremely good and smooth process to welcome him home and into our family. I want to share this because although I understand and was very prepared for the very worst (in terms of attachment & trauma), little man's story is a contrast to the worst in that not every transition is difficult. it is a glimpse of hope and praise.

For him, I think there are several reasons why becoming a part of our family has been a very healthy, relatively easy and fun experience. When we met him, he was a healthy, well adjusted, happy, crazy loved little boy. The quality and stability of his care was amazing. I remember the baby home director (who will forever hold a very special place in our hearts, along with her family) sharing with us that she often told her staff that 'if we didn't cry or feel some emotion when a child left then we hadn't done our job' - basically meaning that these kids were family. They were loved beyond measure. They were extended grace. They were prayed for. They were part of a church community. I vividly remember  the Sunday we went to church at little man's home church - we were prayed over, we were given Scriptures, and little man was in so many people's arms and kissed so many times. He was & is loved. So suffice to say, I believe that this all contributed to how well he did when he came home.
Another thought is his age. Given my reading and experience with my job, the younger the child is the easier it often is to form a healthy attachment. There are external factors that contribute to this such as pre-existing trauma and health but little man was protected from many of these things. Also, because he was younger, he had not had as many life experiences yet (good or bad) that contribute to development.

I admit that I have been somewhat shocked by how smooth it has gone. I like a challenge and was honestly expecting a challenge. He has his moments. Moments of toddlerhood that can only be explained by being almost 2! But from my experience with my older three...they are just that - moments of toddler hood. I do it by myself. I climb on everything. I drop to the ground in tears cause I don't have all my words yet and can't tell you exactly what I want (having little princess around is sometimes a lifesaver cause she often knows exactly what he wants!).

Anyways, i digress.

The final idea I have of why things have gone well is because little man is little man. His amazing personality has, i believe, allowed him to join in with ease and comfort. He loves to laugh and join in the fun. He loves kids and playing with them...no problem on that front with three others running around. He has no problems making himself known! He loves life and life abounds from him! He was formed perfectly for the life that was ahead of Him.

 To end, I hope & pray that these thoughts give hope. i don't know who reads this but I wanted to share that even amidst relative chaos, there is calm. There is peace. There is joy. And there is hope. I certainly don't want to cause offense or think that somehow it was all what we did. God was and is at work in his young life and I believe, was preparing him for the most shocking event of his life to date.  I am under no illusion that it will always be this smooth. I am sure there will be many prayers, numerous discussions and all sorts of emotions that go with them. But for now we trust in God's provision for little man. A child of God. A gift.

Thanks for reading. It really has been good...in case you were wondering!
Blessings,
Candra