my church...

Tonite, I had plans to write a different post but then things changed...As I put my kids to bed and laid with my sweet little 3 year old, I started praying. I was thinking about how easy it is to put on a face and fake it. To tell people everything is great, when really it is not. That life is going smoothly, but really it feels like there is more potholes than not. To think we can do it ALL ON OUR OWN, when really we were created to live and breathe as part of a community. I was praying for my kids, my family, my friends, my church...
I have been privileged for the last 7 years to be part of our church, Journeys Church, which my husband started. We started with only a handful of people 7 years ago and when I went to church this last weekend I was overcome and humbled about the community that God has brought together and continues to grow. I am so thankful. We are a mostly young group with many kids under the age of 9. We laugh together, encourage one another and share life together.
As I was praying tonite though, I realized that I don't do a very good job of being vulnerable with those that I should be. I want to be the strong one, the one who seemingly can be the one who cares all the time but every once in a while, it cracks. And I am reminded that living in community also means being ready and willing to receive. Let me give you and example....

A couple of weeks ago, my husband was on a trip for work out of town. it was day 11 of 11. I took the kids to church and apparently the 2 little ones did not want to be on their good behavior (cried the whole time...well maybe 80%) through the service. I took them up to the front as I went for communion thinking...almost done and then we can go home and they can have a nap; not a great spot to be in when going for communion!  In the quiet of the moment they realized that there was food and when I told them they couldn't have it they started full on screaming. I took them both by the hands, barely containing my tears and headed for the back room. They missed their daddy, they were tired...I know all this but I felt done. I just hugged them as they and me cried.  In walks a really good friend and just gives me a hug. Then asks me how I am doing and I told her that earlier that morning, my van had died (yes we all packed into the neon to get to church). So she tells me that she will take my girls, go get her booster cables and come to the house to help. Wow. Then I walked out of the room and another friend came and gave me a hug and proceeded to tell me that she was coming over for the next couple of hours to look after the kids and that I should go out. It is hard to accept help but since I love helping others, I gratefully said OK. Amazing. I went to starbucks for a couple of hours, brought a book and was refreshed.

Tonight, my heart is heavy for our church community. I have praying that God would be ever present in our lives and sustain through the difficult times. Amidst happy and good, there is almost always frustration and discouragment. There have been many of these times, it seems in the last year.  Those are the times that we need each other most. And it is so easy to pull away, to think we can do it on our own. But we can't. God teaches us and shows Himself and more of who He is, through others. For those of you reading that are from our church, I love you. I do not always show it, nor always make the time to ask how you are doing. And that is not right. But know that myself and as a family, we care about you deeply and are always there...no matter what.

I am sorry this maybe turned into a ramble...but I am beyond blessed that I get to experience life with these people at our church. They are awesome! And know that I am praying for you. And thank you for all that you are and have done for our family...we are so blessed to be a part of what God is doing and can't wait to see what the future brings!

Blessings,
Candra