A choice…part 2

**please check out my previous post "A choice…Part 1" for a little more background

And here is where I would love for you to consider a choice…

I would like you to consider getting involved in the Staying Home Project-

Our first project looks daunting on paper ...
$28,750 to raise by February 16th, 2014!!!!
TWENTY EIGHT THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS….

Honestly, the task seems overwhelming but our choice has been made. We are ready to go for it…to share how this place, Abenezer Orphanage is caring for and changing the lives of these children. In each moment that the children stay in care…they are part of this family. And the physical space that they have fits their needs well at this time and it is where they call HOME.

We recognize that this is not their first home and we grieve for the losses that each of these children have experienced. But we are thankful that each of the children at AOA have a place that is safe and that they can call home for this time in each of their lives.

older children and staff (and Riley) of AOA - December 2013

Addis Ababa is on all accounts, thriving and growing and an ever expanding middle class is on the rise. This is great for the economy and the stability of the country but it also produces increased costs…and for the AOA - increased rent. Rent has doubled in the last year as land and property values are increasing.

So the Staying Home project is committed to helping AOA raise the money needed to do just that…stay home. The stability of a place to call home is of value beyond words…

With that I ask you to consider the choice of getting involved. If we had 28 people willing to raise 1000 dollars each - this project would be complete. If we have hundreds of people willing to be involved the numbers are less…

Riley and I have been there along with countless other families…what AOA does is beyond words and we are thankful to get to be a part of what God is doing! So, please consider it…help us help these children "Stay home".

STAYING HOME project - click here to DONATE!!!!  There is sample letters to print and share with your family & friends on this page as well. Thank you in advance for your support!

We want to be a blessing... We want to see these children remain in a place of familiarity and stability. And we want to give a voice to the incredible work that Abenezer Orphanage Association is doing!!!!

Will you join us???

Blessing,

Candra

A choice…Part 1

6 months ago I walked through the gates of a place that held my 3 beautiful Ethiopian born sons. I was not even 2 steps in when our oldest son appeared out of his room with the biggest, most brightest smile I have ever seen. He knew. He knew he had a family that was coming for him. Our next son stepped out a bit more hesitant but still full of eagerness to meet us…And our youngest held tight to his nanny's hand…shy but peeking every so often to see us…All of their friends hanging back a bit but smiles abounded…for at this time, they were a family and they were happy..so, so happy for our three boys.

The gates we walked through…this place our boys called home for over 4 years…is called Abenezer Orphanage Association (AOA). It is a place that is filled with hope, love and support. Oh, I am sure there are many moments of tears, frustration and sadness but the love that these children have for each other is unbelievable. The nannies work tirelessly and they love the children at AOA. When we were there, we saw one of the nannies playing volleyball with our son. Their were endless tears by adults and children when our boys had their goodbye party….AOA is not only a safe place for children to be when life has been difficult and children are no longer able to be cared for by their first families…it is also a place of love & hope and a new kind of family….


So when we walked away from AOA for the last time with our children in our arms, we had a choice to make. The choice was this- would we walk away forever or would this place be a part of our lives forever…not just in thoughts but in action?  The choice was easy but the how seemed a little more vague…

Until I got a call from a friend whose heart was in EXACTLY the same place mine was.

For those of you who shared in our story over the summer, this is the same beautiful woman who ran in support of bringing our boys home…who also has 2 beautiful children that called AOA home for a time. It is also a beautiful story of God's unfailing love and faithfulness as He brought 2 boys together into 2 different families who live just 2 hours apart who called each other best friends and brothers while they were living at Abenezer Orphanage. These beautiful children - we are now blessed to call our sons…..

Out of our conversations and passion to do something came  the Serategna project.  Serategna means "servant" in Amharic and that is what we want to be… Our organization's primary purpose to serve those that have stepped out in faith and who work each day to care for these children. We want to be able to provide financial support  to AOA and in the future possibly some practical support.

It was an easy choice to get involved but there is much to be done. Tomorrow I will post more about how you can get involved - a choice you could make. Thank you for taking the time to hang out here on my blog. Please pray for the Serategna project as we seek to get it off the ground!

head on over to the website if you would like to read more about it -

http://serategna.webs.com

Blessings,
Candra

The first month & moving forward

It has been one month since our family has changed forever... 

It has been time of joy, sheer exhaustion, laughter, tears, thriving, coping, sadness, encouragement, adjustment and learning.

I have never in my life felt so tired ( and I am the one getting sleep:)) but each day is getting a little better. Without saying too much about the hard things that our 7 children are dealing with, I will say that they are all trying the very hardest to figure out what family means- in particular, this family. Several of the things we were expecting have not happened...our three new boys are good eaters and sleepers. For that we are grateful. It makes the days a lot more manageable! 

These days, we are figuring out routines, family rules, what the new year will look like and most important, how to attach and become a family of 9.

If I am honest, the last month has been  very difficult for me...I think I have felt most every emotion under the sun and have felt guilty for half of the them! But the kids have fared much better. Our kids at home, they have been so welcoming and helpful- like these three have always been here...I have been taking lessons from them:) they are all so precious and amidst the difficult times, I try and see through their eyes.. Eyes that have only known one language, one culture...eyes that have seen and experienced many things that I will never have to...eyes and hearts that are open to being part of a family.

Over the month, life has begun to seem mor manageable but the word that has defined it for me is "survival". I told Riley that it seems like a perpetual birthday party! But as the month has come to a close and a new year is starting, the survival mode is waning. Grief, sadness, and difficult behaviours are still very present in all 7 of our children- but there is happiness, joy, laughter and lots of tag being played in our home! Thank goodness for our spacious home in these frigid temperatures....

We have felt EVERY ONE of your prayers and encouragement. God working through all of you is what has carried us through the last month. 

As I was contemplating this next month, the words that came to mind were LEANING IN. It is a new year, the three boys start school this month, all the kids will turn one year older( which I am already grieving as my youngest will be in kindergarten in the fall...eek!), we have lots to learn with our three new sons, more to learn in helping our our son live with diabetes and some exciting new opportunities for both Riley and I. 

So often it is easier to pull back or lean away in order to cope. But God has been impressing on me that I need to lean hard into Him. That He may be the one I cling to each day. I am also remembering that leaning into my husband is so important for the health of our marriage and our family and am so thankful for the investment we have made thus far in our marriage! And I want to lean into this season of life that is before me-one that brings surprises and challenges each day. Becoming a family of 9. I want to bring my best to the table and recognize where I need to grow as a child of God, as a wife, as a mom and as a friend....

Blessings, 

Candra

Dorm Living

Over one month ago I left Canada to bring our 3 new sons home. Has it only been one month?!?!?!? As I'm sure you can imagine, it's been a very unique & challenging time. But we have all survived! And even managed to keep a sense of humour too.  How could we not with these boys we can never keep inside???

One priority we made for the sake of the boys was to have me living in the basement with them & sleeping in their room. There are a lot of reasons why - I won't get into attachment & trauma & security topics here. In a kind of comical way, the last month has been a lot like being in college dorms again.... 

 So here are the top 10 reasons I feel like I'm back to dorm living: 

 #10 - I sleep in the same room as 3 other guys (& don't get much sleep). And there's always one annoying guy who figures they need to wake everyone else up because they are awake. Ps - I'm remembering you Langner!!! 

 #9 - Speaking of sleeping, I haven't been in my own bed for 4 weeks & lay on a really uncomfortable single mattress that is killing my back. Dorm bed all over again. 

my view every night

#8 - I'm hearing about video games & movies everyday (my new sons at one point were asking about Grand Theft Auto - somebody brought it to the orphanage on their laptop while visiting.... Someone needs to teach adults they should be more concerned with discretion than looking cool in front of kids!) 

#7- There's telling of macho stories of fending off animal attacks. My oldest son has taught us about hyenas and what to do (or not to do). 'A' has been hit so hard by a goat that it knocked him into the air. I hear about using slingshots against parrots, getting dragged around by goats, etc. So I tell them about chasing (and being chased by) bears. One-up-manship goes beyond cultural differences! 

 #6 - There's lots of bodily function sounds & LOTS of bad smells.... I can't wait to get the fecal test results back so we can medicate them properly. Huge respect points for my determined wife who had to take care of that collection 3 x 3 times while I've been at work!!!! 

 #5 - I need caffeine to make it thru any of my days. I'm up ridiculous hours and woken up at random times during the nights. I actually got better sleeps in college even though my 2nd year I was only in bed once prior to 2am..... 

 #4 - My 'floor' is the best. PERIOD. We come up with the stupidest ideas. I'm essentially living in a dorm: the basement is Main Men's 1 with 6 residents and upstairs is Main Ladies 2 with 3 residents. We see each other sometimes, but mostly by passing each other in the common areas. The guys floor is (as expected) more messy & smelly. And we never consider pranking the girls floor.... Not gonna lie, I've been messaging & emailing Candra from my temporary room. It's like we are dating & she lives 'off campus'.

This is a tame face.  'A' had one that made Candra almost throw up!  My 'floor' is really goofy.

#3 - I eat poorly at odd times. Dynamics during meal time are different than in college though. Meals have been a revolving door of enforcing rules. 'Don't throw things' or 'don't make the placemats into airplanes', 'everyone tries a little bit', & cleaning up food spills, reminding kids to use utensils & not their hands (or mouths right off the plate) etc. Ok, maybe it's not that different.... Ha! I start cutting food & policing while Candra serves. By the time she is ready to eat the new kids are done & getting into trouble, so I grab a couple quick spoonfuls before running off after them as she sits down 
 #2 - I constantly need to do laundry. Even though we do at least a load a day, it constantly piles up on us.

Speaking of piling up: this is fairly common whether I'm in bed or anywhere in the house....
And the #1 reason I wonder whether I am back living in a dorm..... (Insert drumroll here)......

#1 - I'm looking forward to life with a wife!
We find the odd quiet moment, but we were just joking today that important decisions get 60 seconds and everything else gets talked about in a lot shorter time spans. I'm enormously thankful for the intentional time we've spent working on our marriage & friendship. Without it & especially the grace of God, we wouldn't be able to joke around and still be willing to fight FOR each other (instead of just with each other). This may be the most challenging season of life we've been thru - and we've been thru a lot together. 
BUT.... Good bye dorm living!
This weekend has marked the transition out of 'dorm mode' for me. My stuff is mostly moved out of the room of our 3 new sons and most of my other regularly used items are making their way upstairs again from other areas of the basement. There has been some grieving from the boys about the change in sleeping arrangements, but I'll be hanging out just outside their room for as many nights as it takes to keep the progress up.  
On a funny/slightly annoying note. I literally timed it & it is very easy to hear 'dad?' 19 times in 15 seconds. Most times it's a lot more dad's/second. That's the speed I measure my time at home by. The slower the d's/sec the better for my sanity. I make sure to point out to my new sons (and the other 4 kids) that they sound exactly like the seagulls on 'Finding Nemo' (they've all seen it). Instead of 'mine', it's 'dad?'. Imagine that all day!!! Poor Candra has that at home all day.... 
Mom mom mom mom mom mom      mom       mom mom mom     mom mom mom mom....  
If you don't hear from us for another month, send reinforcements (preferably a full squadron).
Riley

Airport Pictures!

They are home...and all sleeping..and we are surviving:) With little time to write in the last couple of days, I am hoping the pictures will suffice!! A huge thanks to our amazing friend Avey for the amazing pics!! Here is just a few moments that she captured....

waiting for the doors to open...

first glimpse!

Introducing sisters and brothers!

reunited with his best friend from Ethiopia...what an amazing moment.

meeting Grandma & Grandpa

meeting Auntie and a brand new cousin:)

Thank you to Greg & Barb and Bekah & Arnie for bringing balloons- they were a lifesaver!

second hello to his friend...and with a shy smile this time!!!

Our welcome home party...thank you to ALL of you who braved the weather and came to support our family.
We are so thankful for such an awesome community of friends & family!!!

together

a smile captured from our A...ready to see what winter is like!

And hello to my love...the only one I would ever step into this adventure with.
Welcome home. I love you.

Blessings,

Candra

A day to remember

That will definitely be a day to remember!!!

A few highlights:
- picking up the boys & seeing the look on a couple of their faces
- teaching them to shower
- cuddling while watching a show together
- a short video call with our family in Canada where all the kids got to interact for the first time
- an unprompted 'sorry' after a very long defiant episode
- watching them discover butter & hate it - their faces were priceless (& it was just lightly on bread...)
- being saved by wrestling & tickling just when things were about to explode again
- boys being boys.... Ha!
- watching them sleep

I'd be lying if I told you this day was constantly filled with amazing moments of love & understanding.  We won't be speaking badly of our kids to anyone, but I'll just remind myself again (and maybe you) that we can't expect little ones to deal with all of the extreme range of emotions, changes, & trauma better than adults do.  So I'm thankful that God gave me enough strength & grace to end the day with empathy for them still.  And before you start feeling bad that I was handling it alone, let me stop you. This happens for the kids either way. I'm hoping it was a good sign that they didn't need to put on a 'I'm perfect' show - that they are comfortable & beginning to feel secure enough to be somewhat transparent with the highs & lows.  Candra has taught me so much & would have been amazing here, but I'm thankful she is at least fresh and ready to go when we arrive in Canada!

As exciting as all of this is, (honestly it is, more than not!), I really can't comprehend what these 3 are going thru.  The fact that they are willing & trying despite their history inspires me and causes me to respect the little men they are.  Now that they're coming home, it's my privilege to help discuss basic life skills & development.  And especially my excitement to help them find & reclaim the joys of just being a boy.

AIRPORT PARTY!!!

We have been so thankful for God's provision & faithfulness over the last year and half...particularly for the last  8 months- the time we have known who are three sons are! And much of this thankfulness comes from being part of a bigger community of family and friends. For those of you who have prayed, encouraged, and supported us - we are so thankful for you. And for that reason, we want you to be a part of our welcome home celebration!!
Yes, the boys, will likely be very overwhelmed. And yes, it will probably be very quick (20-30 minutes). But we want them to know & see how much they are already loved but SO many! So consider this your invitation!!!!

We would like to invite you to our Welcome home Airport Party on Wednesday, December 4th @1:15 at Edmonton International Airport (International arrival gate). It will be a short time to celebrate with our community of family and friends that have been praying for them…Thank you for your continued prayers and support as we begin the adventure as a family of 9!

Riley & Candra Sexton