Before I was married, I had two requirements for my future husband. In all my wise maturity (ha!) I did not want to be married to a farmer or a pastor. I can't remember all my reasons but in my young mind's logic, I did not want to stay in one place all my life (thus no farmer) and I did not want my husband to be gone at the church all the time(thus a pastor). Well- almost 15 years later I have been incredibly happily married to my best friend who as it happens, is a pastor. Although I think the ministry calling 14 years ago, took him by surprise just as it did me!
A couple of days ago on one of my commutes I listened to a podcast by Marc Driscoll (really enjoy his directness/get to the point) called Ministry Marriages. During this particular sermon he talked about some of the greatest theologians, missionaries and evangelists of all time. Men whose books we read. Men who made a significant impact on the Christianity across the world. More importantly, he talked about their marriages and their family life. I cried through most of these stories. These women and children were sacrificed as their husbands/fathers made ministry their idol. Women left for years on end while their husbands travelled, children who were left at orphanages so they would "not get in the way" of ministry. Mothers mourning the loss of their children. Children who died of malnutrition and malaria because they were not prepared and as one missionary put it - the "sacrifice of the work of God". Driscoll's point is that is is dangerous when ministry becomes an idol. When you are all consumed with it and forget about the needs of you r family and what God has entrusted into your care. All I could think of was how thankful I am for my husband, the leader of our family - a pastor. And that this is not the way our ministry marriage has evolved-
From our very early days of ministry, in our early 20's, spending time with me was a necessary and intentional part of weekly life. Even when the Senior pastor had to take a leave due to health concerns and Riley at 22 yrs took over that role temporarily (working way too many hours!), we still made sure time was carved out for us - for dates, quiet time together and time to talk.
When His call to church plant came, we knew that life as we knew it would change significantly. No longer was there a stable church to rally around us. It was us and about 15 other people. It was a step of complete faith and risk. **as an aside, praise God for his faithfulness and a thriving young church now continuing in Saskatoon!! It also meant more and different hours for him. More evening meetings, more "get down in the trenches" work, more prayer and mental energy needed. We were beginning a family at this time and had a 2 year old and newborn. There was rarely a night that Riley didn't wait in the rocking chair for his little girl to come bounding into his arms to read their story before bedtime. He made sure his meetings were scheduled on certain days and never had more than 3-4 nights booked. He booked babysitters and planned regular date nights for us.
As our family continued to expand, he continued to be flexible and make adjustments to ensure he was home to spend time them and me. He said no to things he may have otherwise loved to do. He sacrificed on behalf of our family. This is not to say that some weeks weren't hectic-because they were and we have had lots of them. He also loves to travel as part of ministry-we discussed these opportunities and I was so excited for him to go! On average, during our church planting days he was gone 5-6weeks a year which were amazing times of ministry, growth and encouragement for him. And always, they impacted our family when he came home in positive ways.
As the leader of our family, he protects, loves, cares for and is sensitive to the needs of our family. He gets things done - like building a house from scratch as a way to leverage something He has for something after God's own heart. He loves me like no other and I am often humbled and amazed and his sacrificial love for me and our children. He makes the tough decisions and follows through- like his ministry call that he is currently serving at. Everything seemed to scream no but he knew that this was what God was asking. And he patiently waited for me to remember to listen to God and seek and hear from Him too. We (me and the kids) know there is nothing he wouldn't do for us - and that is what I believe a ministry family and marriage is all about. To take care and beautifully love what God has entrusted to you - NOT to sacrifice them and their wellbeing for the sake of ministry.
As we have begun to walk this path of husband & wife in ministry, we have understood that sacrifice and risk comes with being followers of Christ. But if we stay best friends and our kids know that we are intact as a family, and we continue to adventure with God as the center of our home- we can continue to take risks for His sake and do ministry together.
As I was reading this week, I also came across a this piece of writing about fathers risking & sacrificing as they pursue adoption. I could easily insert Riley's name into this (and switch engineer to pastor!!) and once again I was thankful for this man I married and the marriage that God continues to be forming as we move ahead. I will leave you with this excerpt (taken from OneThankfulMom blog) -
Yesterday we heard an amazing sermon about Elijah, who according to our pastor, had chutzpah. Apparently this can be translated a number of ways, but for the sake of this post, let’s say that Elijah was audacious. He was bold and daring – he had guts.
I grabbed Russ’ hand as our pastor spoke, and my heart was full of love and admiration for him. My engineer, detail-oriented, “get all the facts” husband, was audacious enough to adopt four children. Details were sketchy at best and there were many uncertainties. Russ took risks that were far outside his level of comfort and has made sacrifices beyond what most people can imagine.
Ministry to the fatherless has no vacation, no salary, no furlough, and it all happens right in your own home. It’s messy and it spills over into every aspect of your life. If your husband is a man who likes things organized and predictable, it can be supremely uncomfortable – and that is what makes it all the more glorious.
We have an opportunity to do something so far outside of our natural inclinations that we are stretched, broken, and made into something new. My husband is becoming more like Christ; Russ is being born into the person God wants him to be.
So all of you out there loving the fatherless – you are audacious – you are amazing. May the Lord give you strength today to do his will and love the children he has brought into your lives. And as our pastor said yesterday, when we get to end of our lives, let’s stand before the Lord able to say, “I’ve got nothing left. I gave it everything I had.” - Lisa Quall
Blessings,
Candra
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