Thankful in the "in between"

I never really thought we would have this in between time...our sons were supposed to come home late September/mid October and we would have been well on our way with 7 children. But...things beyond our control have taken place and now we wait for our government to collect the information they want before they will issue Canadian visas so our boys can enter this country. So it is in between... Getting more ready, waiting and trying to live life to the fullest while not getting completely distracted by things we cannot control. So instead of crawling into a cave and staying there for the duration, we have filled up our next few weeks with fun things in hopes that we will have our boys home before Christmas... So today is a few things I am thankful for in the in between...

1. I have recently had to let go of my pediatric position (my passion as a physical therapist) as the commuting was taking its toll on me and our family...but I am so thankful for all of those extra hours (as it was all put towards our adoption costs) and the connections I got to make with my colleagues and the families I was privileged to serve.

2. I am now working only .5 so I get to spend more time at home---trying to bring a new balance to that  but it is definitely something I am looking forward to. Except the cleaning part:) I love to tidy but would rather someone else clean!!

3. Because we are still a family of 6 on this side of the ocean, I just registered for an adoption conference that I wasn't gonna be able to get to! So I am going and so looking forward to exploring this passion of mine a bit more, worshipping and hearing from some great speakers!!

4. And...because it is in Calgary I get to meet my newest niece and I am so excited!!

5. My sweet oldest girl gets to go on adventure all by herself with her daddy for 4 days- he has a work commitment and she gets to go along! And it is somewhere warm:) I am so thankful this worked out and hoping it will make memories for her that will last a lifetime!

6. We get to travel east (because Riley also has to go there with his work) to see family and friends this November, which will be so good to connect before the craziness of 7!

7. I am thankful I get to be an examiner again this month for a clinical national exam for our profession. I enjoy assisting in this way and it is always good to meet new people!

8. I am thankful that the boys are being well taken care of and although we cannot be there in person, they are a part of our thoughts, prayers and family dynamic every single day:)

9. I am thankful for my husband and 4 kids here at home who continue to amaze me with their insight and strength each day. My husband stayed an extra week in Ethiopia fighting for our boys to come home and did everything he could. I am thankful for his leadership and commitment to our family. And my kids here continue to anticipate life with their brothers and pray for them every night...

10. I have been reflecting on how God has provided throughout this process and He continues to see us through it. We have an awesome community of people praying for us and for our boys. And the cost of this process has been more with each added step and now a third trip (and of course the flights costs are at the highest) but we know that God continues to go before us and through opportunities  & many people, He continues to provide. Thankful does not even begin to describe how amazing this has been.

So even amidst the unknown waiting and the feelings that go along with that - there is joy.

Blessings,
Candra

Know when to hold 'em

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em"....

Good thing my mom & dad listened to Kenny Rogers when I was growing up.  Otherwise this game of immigration visas would be impassable.... HA!  Just trying to stay positive....

If our current adoption journey conjures up any lines from old songs, it's probably from 'The Gambler'. In the last few days, we've had to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.  So I've been holding our boys & using a translator.... telling them that we've had to 'fold' all of our current attempts to get them home and pursue the longer road of DNA testing as required by our government officials.  I won't say much, but there is certainly a game that is played....  And no one tells you the rules until afterwards (or as they are made up or never ends up telling you).

"the secret to survivn' is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep."

So we're keeping hope, praying and fighting, but throwing away the dream of getting our sons home in October.  Or we've been forced to throw that dream away....

"If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right"

Lesson learnt.

Trying to navigate this road has been very challenging.  For all 9 of our family members in different ways.
For our 3 sons in Ethiopia, they actually took the news better than I expected.  They gave me a great gift.  From the mouth of our oldest son with a smile on his face (as translated by our social worker): "you came this time... its ok you go again because we know you will come back for us".  He's really shy, so that's about all he said via translation.  They know the wait will be a while - months...  This is quite an astounding statement from him based on all that he has been thru in his young life.  This is also the kind of thing that makes a father fight even harder & pray even longer!

So, playing the hand we've now been dealt means me getting home to my wife & kids in Canada and getting back to my job while we wait for these tests to be done.  I leave Addis very early Saturday morning for home & am trying not to feel defeated.  God's been changing my attitude and granting me a peace over the last couple days.

The reality is that it's time to re-group & get ready for the next round.

So that's the update.  Not fun - except that it's filled with God, amazing kids & Kenny Rogers.....

Last 4 days...final day

There are not words to adequately describe today.October 9, 2013. it was intensely emotional. heartbreakingly beautiful. it was a kairos moment. A day that I will be eternally grateful for. 
It was the morning that the meeting at the embassy took place. It was not a meeting we were involved in but we prayed all morning. And we felt the prayers of many of you lifted to the heavens on our behalf. 

It is also the day that we met our sons' birth mom. I will never forget that hour for the rest of my life. I am thankful for the boys that we have that. And for us. And for her. The boys know we met her and there was almost visible relief from our oldest. It pleased him.  She is forever their 'enat' and I am forever their mommy.  

 It is the last visit that I had with the boys on Ethiopian soil. it was good and hard. I didn't expect it this way.to not bring them home. To not be there for their going away ceremony. to not be there to give their first baths or tuck them into bed. But they have a great daddy to do all those things and I am sure I will have my fair share when they get home! they all called me mommy for the first time! Our middle one has been saying of for some time but not the others. it was a beautiful surprise. We said goodbyes with huge hugs and Riley said he would be back tomorrow. They all lit up with big smiles.

It was my last day on Ethiopia soil for the foreseeable future...I didn't think this would affect me as much as it did. 

This trip has been more comfortable and my eyes are definitely more willing to see the landscape, the people, the culture.The first trip I was focused on surviving, trying to get over culture shock, seeing the boys, not getting sick ( I did get sick but not this time...). I will miss this country. being here. But I know as a family we are always going to have Ethiopia as a part of us and how we serve/ be in relationship with the people of this country is still a work in process.

we were able to go for coffee one last time. A sweet end to my time here in Addis Ababa. 

It was a difficult end to get on a plane by myself, leaving one part of my family behind but anxious to see the other part at home. Joy and sorrow. 

But I know..I know...that He will make a way for Riley and the boys to be home soon. I hope for this with all of my heart and continue to pray and commit everything to His hands. Riley and I prayed before I left and entrusted our family once again to Him. 

It was an important day. a good day. an emotional day. a cairos day- where time stood still. And we continue to be thankful for His work in each of our lives. 

Blessings,

Candra

My last 4 days...day 3

Today was a big day...at least in my mind it was. Riley was not nervous at all but I was. We were able to take the boys out for lunch today. Because of the policy of our agency, we aren't usually able to take the kids out of the orphanage but Elsa was ok with it, probably because we are in a bit of a unique situation. They were ready to go when we got there, but none of the nannies had any knowledge that we were taking them out! So after a bit of discussion, we got it all worked out. I sat with all three boys in the back of the car on the way to the restaurant. They were very quiet and the 2 younger ones were very interested in what was going on outside. 'Mekina' everywhere! They do not differentiate on what type of vehicle it is- they are all mekina:) 

We made it to the restaurant and luckily it was pretty quiet. Cokes and fantas were the drinks of choice. They had all said they wanted tibs, which is an Ethiopian beef dish. So we ordered that. But when the waiter came to take our order, he said they also wanted French fries. Great! That is what they got, and I am pretty sure they enjoyed that more than the tibs. And the ketchup. They definitely liked the ketchup. We surprised them with chocolate cake for dessert which they ate every last bite of. They seemed pleased and full, but not overly full. They left some of the food on the plate, so I hope that is good sign as they did not feel the need to eat everything in sight... We drove them back to the orphanage, and I think maybe all three were carsick. They were not still and they were looking in every direction so I think it affected them a little bit:) It was a good first outing.

The afternoon was nice and relaxed and I got to spend some time with Riley. We walked to get some pictures printed, grab some Ethiopian spices, shiro and tef flour ( I will try to make injera:)). On the way back we stopped at Kaldi's, which is the Ethoipian version of Starbucks. But the coffee...oh the coffee. So good. I am not a coffee drinker but in Ethiopia I am a coffee drinker. A macchiato or just a coffee with cane sugar. It is my happy place. It was so good just to take a few moments with my husband and soak in the experience. It has not gone like we thought it would but it is still good. We are where we are supposed to be at this moment in time. And there is no one I would rather be on this adventure with than Riley. He is absolutely hands down my best friend, he can speak wisdom and calmness to me like no other, he is a great leader and he makes me laugh. I love being his wife. So being in Kaldi's, enjoying coffee...it was an great moment of just being in Ethiopia:) 

We headed back to the guesthouse and hung out with the families in the courtyard. A family that is there from Edmonton invited us to go out for Indian food with them. We will never pass down an opportunity to eat Indian food. It is in our top three cuisines! It was a bit expensive but really, when it is just 2 of us, it does not feel expensive so we just enjoyed...came home to some emails from our princess and little man at home. It made us laugh and smile. They are all doing so well at home and we are so thankful for mom. She is an amazing woman who loves her grandchildren and oh...do they love her back!!! I am so thankful that it has been going well.... 
Sleep came easily tonight. And tomorrow begins my last day in Ethiopia - that seems so strange and I am grieving it already. Although, as Riley hugged me tonight his words were.."love, we've got a good 60 years left together...we will be back." S onto our final day together in this beautiful African country...

Blessings, 

Candra

My last 4 days...day 2

Today was another jam packed day, but a great one. We were able to go to the orphanage in the morning today, which is so much better for Mikias as he isn't napping! We brought them donuts today and so we had a small picnic with them and their friend. The older 2 said thankyou and we coaxed it out of Mikias:) Pleases and thankyous are not common here so were are gently reminding them when we are with them ! We had 2 extra donuts along that Henok asked if he could share with his friends that were at school. When we had arrived at the orphanage that morning, that had also received some bread sticks. So Henok and his friend stashed the extra breadsticks and the donuts for their friends who were at school. We have noticed that at Abenezer, there is a culture that has been created for sharing. Sharing treats, food, toys etc. and it doesnt seem to matter the age. Our youngest shared his donut with a toddler... melt my heart. This maybe common in orphanages, but I was expecting a little more of ' every man for himself'... Which was not the case. Anyways, after I cleaned up all the crumbs (ha!) we played UNO, drew and skipped. Our baby girl at home will happy to know that her brothers skip:)!! We said goodbye until tomorrow and thus began our crazy shopping trip! 

In one afternoon we were we to get done....
- jerseys for all the kids
- nickel crosses for the boys. Basket for Eve
- Tamoca coffee
- book world - more books!
- art gallery...and picked out a fabulous painting of Addis Ababa. We returned to the guesthouse mid afternoon..exhausted but pleased to get most of our shopping done with! We had about an hour of down time and then we were blessed to go with Karen and her little one to Korah. 

Korah is a community on the outskirts of Addis that is very poor. Many people in the community survive by picking things out of the city dump...which is right beside the community. We were accompanied by an amazing young man named Tilahun. When we got out of the van, we were immediately surrounded by children vying to hold our hands...something and somebody new! We first went to a women's empowerment project called Mission Ethiopia. They employ around 80 women (who make 1000birr/ month) and make clay and paper bead necklaces as well as some other things. We go there just before closing and were able to have a tour of their area. Right next to them is a church. The pastor was not there but we stepped in an were able to look at the building. It was made out of tarps on a frame. It stuck me so clearly that God does not care where we are or the buildings we meet in...He only wants our heart. It was definitely a holy place. Tilahun also showed us another place right across the street. Through a gate is an area for children to go after school to get food and help with their schoolwork. What I noticed about this small street is that people are making a difference through the power of community. It was refreshing, even amidst severe poverty.  We left Korah and went back to Tilhun's house. 

There is a really amazing story of how Tilahun and his 5 friends came to live in this home together as a family. But the short version is that they were all living on the street. A divine meeting of these 6 boys and a women from Canada began a relationship that now has all 6 boys sponsored and in school! They are amazing. We were welcomed into their home and when we got there they were all doing schoolwork. One of the boys wants to be a cardiologist, one a pastor and one a chemist. I love that they are dreaming big and that they have hope. They served us injera and a potato stew and a lentil stew. I was humbled by their hospitality and their genuineness. It was a good evening...and a good reminder that community and relationships can be found everywhere.

Blessings,

Candra

Riley's Odd Thanksgivings

Riley's Odd Thanksgivings - but ones I have literally found myself thanking God for in the moment

I’m thankful that Candra made it home safe even if her luggage did not.... 

I’m thankful that out of all the days I’ve been here in Ethiopia, there has been at least one day that on the way to the orphanage I did not witness a man taking a leak in plain view.  

I’m thankful that only 2/6 rooms in our guesthouse have someone that has experienced an attempted mugging or actual robbery during a 24 hr period in the nearby area.  Honestly, the one guy is lucky he didn’t get hurt.  He went to the ATM 3 hrs after dark - alone...  The other woman was in broad daylight at no fault of her own - our friend/taxi driver chased down the guy while trying to whip him with his coat.  Wish I could have seen that!  Thankful no one from the guesthouse was seriously hurt.

I’m thankful that my older 2 sons here in Ethiopia did not offer me a bite of the cooked sheep testicle they were eating earlier in the week.  Not sure I could have stomached it!

I’m thankful that I usually see no more than 2 white people per day outside of the guesthouse (walking or driving - I spend 40-60 minutes in a taxi each day to get to the orphanage depending on traffic).  I really enjoy being in other cultures!

I’m thankful that walking down the street, I get stared at more for carrying a thick textbook than because I’m white.  It was actually a little un-nerving that everyone kept watching the 600 page purple-covered book in my hand - I never got a second look before I had that book....  Bizarre.

I’m thankful for a coke at the end of each day when the cautious optimism I started the morning with slowly evaporates over the course of another day...

I’m thankful that I get to be in Addis for the World Cup qualifier between Ethiopia & Nigeria today.  30,000 tickets go on sale only 4 hours before the match & you can only get tickets in person....  People are literally walking over 100km just to try to get 10 burr seats (about $0.50 cdn).  It’s a big deal!  The streets are one big party (if they aren't already shut down)!

And finally, since I’m so far away from my other 4 wonderful kids & amazing wife, I’m thankful for some new Canadian friends to share Thanksgiving with this weekend - looking forward to a “home-cooked” meal with Karen, Opsa, Rob, Candy, & Ephraim!

My 4 last days...day 1

The next 4 posts are to chronicle my last 4 days in Ethiopia...I can't believe that. 4 days. I am home now with my sweet 4 children at home tucked into bed. This trip was amazing, although not quite what w had expected in terms of bringing the boys home... But I left with a love and deep sense of beauty  for this African country...my 3 boys beautiful birth country. I will be back but don't know when. Feel free to read on, but know that they are written only so that my memories of each day don't fade! Enjoy....

Sunday, October 6

Each day we are here makes it more difficult to consider leaving. I would love to (and will in the future) explore more of this beautiful country. The first trip was one of culture shock, trying to get our bearings and focus on meeting the boys. This trip - I am really trying to soak in the culture and be open to what it may look like for me and for our family in the future. 

Today we had the opportunity to go with all of the Canadian families up Entoto mountain. There was a very old church at the top and also a museum with many well preserved artifacts of church and royal history. 
On the way up the mountain, it was dreary and rainy. More than that, there was absolute poverty. Many women carry HUGE bundles of wood up this mountain as a way to make a very small living. But the weight that they are under affects bone development, posture and leaves them with lifelong pain and injury. There are many people trying to change that and offer a different option but the need remains great. 

At the top of the mountain we got out of of our taxi ( in rain:)) and went directly into the museum. A couple of my top favourites....the bible- each page made out of sheep skin and carefully written on complete with beautiful designs....and the currency in Ethiopia- now it is about 20:1 but in the 1930's it was 1:1! We then went on a tour of the church area and monastery, dating back to the 1800's. The tour was great with our guide giving us many historical facts but there was something else that absolutely broke me. At the bottom of the hill, just beside the church was a huge group of people. Many were in wheelchairs, some with crutches, some missing limbs ( leprosy etc.) And in front of them...in the rain...was a very large pile of clothes. And each one of them we waiting for these wet clothes. I took a very quick picture but the picture etched in my mind is far greater. Each of these people matter to God. And I can't imagine His sadness when he sees His people suffering. I silently said a prayer for those people as I walked on with our group. 

After a quick tour cut short due to the rain, we headed back into Addis and dropped of Riley ( feeling sort of sick) and one of the moms and her little one. The rest of us went to a restaurant called 'oh Canada' for lunch. Fun to be in a restaurant surrounded by Canadian flags!
Trying to fit as much in as possible...we went to Abenezer orphanage after I got back to visit the boys. It was good as all the children were home and so we got some more pictures and got to play with all of them. I had brought some counting cards with pictures on one side and numbers on the other. They all had some great fun with these!! and my favorite...when asked what a beaver was, one beautiful girl called them Canada cats!!!

 Henok was a bit quiet today and reserved. I think each of them are struggling to comprehend why they are still at the orphanage when we are here. It is hard to say goodbye each day, but important to be patient so that this can all follow due process. But can I just say how great each of our boys are. beautiful smiles ( some toothless), sense of humor, soccer skills, great laughs and long eyelashes ( all 5 of my boys have this- so lucky!). all in all a very busy day but a blessed day. Ended it off with a mini date night with Riley- TV shows and chocolate from home.....

one of those beautiful smiles

Blessings,

Candra