And I smile because...

..i get to be mom to this gorgeous ballerina!

..this little man is adorable and has started saying "love you mom" anytime, anywhere!

...when the skies look like this, i can't help but smile.

---this pic was taken from my front porch! love it.

...i am blessed to have these two guys in my life.

...my girls were super excited to make dessert for father's day! Death by chocolate.

...my kids got to experience what hail was today. 

...they got to see it up close and personal.

...this is our house... the shingles got delivered today!

... i am blessed to be a part of this family.

 I am loving summer - rain and all!! Summer dresses, flip flops, freezies, playparks, watermelon, shorts, gorgeous evenings, summer tv shows (my favorite right now, I will admit is,  so you think you can dance!), runs outside, BBQ's, new books to read.....it all makes me smile & am so thankful for each day.

have a great rest of your weekend!

Blessings,

Candra

Part 2...The decision

I have been wanting to share our adoption story as it has unfolded in our family,in hopes that it will continue to encourage others in their adoption journey and/or their walk with Christ. he has given us our stories to tell! To find part 1, go here.

In October of 2009, my husband & I (sans kids)  were amazingly blessed to get to attend Catalyst 09 - a conference  of about 13000 people in Atlanta, GA that is all about godly leadership. Its focus is on young leaders, which I love cause rarely do young leaders get the encouragement and support to go for it! It often seems like there is an age requirement  to be a good leader. Maturity is necessary but that doesn't necessarily equate to age.... anyways, it was an amazing, inspiring, crazy, challenging, worship filled conference. Hope we can go again soon!  
Throughout the conference, they had people sharing about their life and a continuous theme (although not directly what the conference was about)  that kept coming up in these people's lives was adoption. Both of their/our adoption in Christ and their adoption of children into their family. They discussed adoption as a way to give a child a family, to be blessed by that child and extend the grace and love of Christ in a practical way.During some of the breaks, as we were walking around we started discussing it again. We had always been open to adoption and was something that early on in our marriage we had talked about. We were both encouraged to hear about other families adopting and started wondering what if? I went to a couple of booths of adoption agencies to find out a little more but because we were from Canada they couldn't really help me. So, I just thought that this is something we should think and pray about when we get home and look into it a little more. The second last night of the conference Mac Powell was up on stage sharing God's story in his life. And instead of trying to rewrite what I wrote back then, here it is written in jan of 2010 before we had little man home..

 At one point, Mac Powell (singer for 3rd day) was on stage and brought his wife and new son on to join him. He spoke about the gift of adoption and the gift that his new son was to him. What can only be described as a God moment came next - Riley and I knew in an instant that this is what God was asking us to do. With great excitement and anticipation, we committed to having our fourth child through adoption!

Now, if you know Riley and I, when we commit to something there is no going back. Even on that trip, we began the process of praying and researching adoption agencies, finding out procedures with Saskatchewan and Canada and beginning a to do list (my favorite thing to do!). On a side note, I have to say that I have been amazed and blessed by the leadership and willingness of Riley to do a lot of the leg work through this process thus far! It has grown my love for him to watch him parent our expectant child, even in these initial stages.

On returning home, we spent many late nights and many emails and phone calls, narrowing down the agency we would work with. We knew that we wanted to adopt internationally from Africa (another whole story on its own) but also knew that our options were limited. On speaking to some agencies, we found out the wait or some countries was up to 4 years. This was a little discouraging but also knew that we were committed. We came across a smaller agency based in Ontario that upon reading their website, we felt immediately encouraged by. It is a Christian based agency who works with several countries, but the one that stood out to us was South Africa.

After speaking with the director, we knew this was the direction we were going to take! So, we are adopting from South Africa, a child between the ages of 0-12 months! Then, the process we had to go through began. We were recommended a wonderful home study practitioner who completed our home study in 5 weeks! All of our other dossier requirements were processed very quickly - reminding us to thank God even during the process. Our references  came in very quickly and thanks to all of Riley's computer wisdom, were were able to put together our personal profile, the final part of our dossier. We were hoping to have our part done by the end of December and it happened! Yay! Riley and I were talking one night and felt strongly that anything we could do on our end to make the process go faster, we would. We did not want our child to have to wait on us to complete our paperwork.

God's timing is always incredible; it may seem insane or unmanageable at the time but He knows, which is a great source of comfort to me.  Following Atlanta, we had 4 more days of holiday in Florida where we were able to pray through this decision and enjoy the moment. All of our paperwork was officially into the agency in January of 2010 and we were offically in the waiting stage of becoming a family of 6! To end with on Part 2, this song has been incredibly meaningful to us...enjoy!

Have a great weekend! Part 3 to come...our referral!

Blessing, Candra

Happy birthday #2 & a few other random thoughts!

What a wonderful weekend to celebrate the birth of a beautiful boy...we are so thankful that little man is our son and thank God for him each and every day. The festivities started with his favorite breakfast...

scrambled eggs & toast!

We all then went to get slurpees (at 10 o'clock in the morning!). What can I say, it was party time!

it is back...blue shock slurpee. 

Off we went in the afternoon to my oldest's ballet recital. I feel like I am getting very old when I look at this picture...she does not look 7 to me - she is growing up way too fast! Little man sat through about 3/4 of the performance - not bad for a 2 year olds!

trying to be like her big sister!

in motion

I digress - I forgot to mention that my husband was away for 2 weeks at a church conference in England - so of course I got treats when he got back. Amazing!!  I added to my Starbucks mug collection - I cannot believe I am collecting mugs but they are awesome. And he got me chocolates....literally a whole box of fruit filled chocolates!!! My favorite!

Thorton's chocolates...divine!

And our favorite treat from the last time we were there together....

Add caption

Sunday brought with it a great worship gathering followed by a potluck. It is so good to connect with people and eat great food! Little man's birthday party followed with a family BBQ with aunts and uncles, grandparents & cousins! It was perfect!

presents waiting...

the birthday boy with a BIG smile!

cake!!

blowing out the candle - he did it all by himself!

happy birthday!

opening presents...and lovin' it!

with the birthday boy and his new ball!

we love you - even with Uncles' glasses on!

Happy Birthday little man! We had a great weekend celebrating that you are 2!! I can't believe my baby is 2 - we love you and are so excited for what God has in store for you this next year!

And I digress one more time!

A little reminder of why I love where I live...I may not have an ocean or mountains but I get to see this almost every evening. lovin' Saskatchewan!

Blessings,

Candra

Quiet. Risk. Hope.

This weekend has been very different for me. Because I have been by myself. My kids were at their grandparents and my husband was at a conference. My whole goal for the weekend was to get some decisions made about the house build and to go to lots of places and look at lots of different things...My mind is spinning with all things house! I also registered the kids at their new school for next year. Crazy! And we have begun looking for summer daycare on this side of the city...if you know of anyone, please pass their name along!
So I had a list of what I needed to get done and it literally took me half the time I thought it would! I have been conditioned to plan according to one or more kids in tow! So needless to say I had more time than I thought I would...I cleaned the house top to bottom, finally organized my closet (yay!) and spent some time with God.

It was so quiet in my house. Too quiet. it reminded that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my husband and my kids! I am so blessed to be a wife and a mom! It also gave me time to think and reflect without interruption. And if I am honest, I didn't completely like what that time brought with it.
When I am not in the roles I am most comfortable with. When all of that is stripped away- being a wife, a mom, no tasks to do, no job to go to...

It leaves just me.
Candra.
A woman.

It is an uncomfortable place to be sometimes...being reminded to value yourself because of who you are, not because of what you do. Recognizing where and who you find your worth in. This is what my afternoon & evening looked like today. I thought And prayed a lot about what I am willing to risk for the sake of Christ, for the sake of relationships. Sometimes I don't want to put in the time to develop friendships- it involves risk and effort. And to move further into that concept of risk...a question that kept coming to mind was "are you ready to risk"? As I prayed about it, I realized that it was about my willingness to be about what God wants me to be about. Am I ready to risk for his sake? in relationship, in my actions, in the way I live...

So yes - stripped away was what today was about. Not always fun but necessary. As I climbed the hill behind our house tonight, a verse that kept coming to mind was...
"Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my GOd."
In the midst of all of the roles I have and things I do. Between house building, waiting for our next child, gearing up for RUN143 etc... I am first and foremost a child of God. And I need to put my hope in HIm...and risk for His sake!

I hope in this brief moment of time, you too are reminded that you are valued, loved and precious in His sight. Thanks for spending time with me tonight....

Blessings,
Candra

for your enjoyment....

Blessings,

Candra

life & more on our adoption...

Life in the last week or so seems to be moving very fast. But today we are in the van, going to see family and it has given me time to breathe. To be reminded that all that I need each day is all right beside me. We have had moments like these this last week...

sisters

kite-flying..love this pic!

building with grandpa!

those eyes...

brothers

us. love it.

An amidst these moments, I feel like there is a lot on the go! In saying that, I am very excited about it all and want to highlight one of the things that I am investing my time in these days....

As many or most of you have now read, we are in the process of adopting our next child! This process began a year ago and I thought I would share with you what God has been leading and guiding us in. Just over a year ago we were in little man's birth country meeting our youngest son...I believe it was the day after we met him that we were talking and we just knew that we were going to do this again! 

We committed in that moment that we would begin praying about it but that we would intentionally enjoy our time and love being a family of six. In June we were blessed to be able to go to Regina and meet some of the staff at the agency we worked with and more adoptive families. Following the discussion and talk from the executive director, we again felt a nudging to expand our family. We had a great summer as a family of 6. We prayerfully made some big decisions over the course of this time- the biggest as most of you know was to put our house up for sale and begin the process of building our new home. 

Riley had been seriously considering this for a while and the question that kept coming to his mind was " What do you have to leverage after God's own heart?" At our church, he had spoken on the book of Nehemiah last year. In that book, Nehemiah used his leadership and leverage with the king to rebuild Jerusalem. We knew we had a house, that we had been blessed to be able to buy at a good time. We knew we had equity in it. We knew we wanted to expand our family. So all this put together, we felt that in building our own home, we would be able to have the means to add to our family, both financially and in space! And we know that adoption is something after God's own heart. It has been a crazy adventure thus far but a great one....the roof is on and the windows are in!

Anyways, in the fall, we began more actively pursuing our next adoption. We began talking with close family and friends. We began praying for our next child...for protection, for joy, and for peace. We discussed it with our kids and they thought it was a great idea!!! We began the paperwork in early 2011...the second time around it definitely did not seem so daunting! 

And here we are in May with everything on our end done and now we begin the wait. We have chosen to pursue the same country that little man is from. We have great faith in and love for our agency and pray for them daily.We also pray for those working tirelessly in our chosen country, as they work toward caring for the many, many children without families. Currently, the program is on hold and we are trusting that all will be worked out for the many families that have been waiting a very long time. 

We are very excited about adding to our family. I am sure some people wonder...

"5 children. Really?!?!? 5 children. " I wonder that myself sometimes! But i know that we as a family are following God's leading in our lives. I know that it will require and has already required sacrifice. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am beyond blessed to get to be a mom to 5 of His precious children. 

To our next child....know that we love you already beyond measure. We are praying for you and can't wait to meet you!!!! 
Love, mommy, daddy and all the kids
Blessings,
Candra

my church...

Tonite, I had plans to write a different post but then things changed...As I put my kids to bed and laid with my sweet little 3 year old, I started praying. I was thinking about how easy it is to put on a face and fake it. To tell people everything is great, when really it is not. That life is going smoothly, but really it feels like there is more potholes than not. To think we can do it ALL ON OUR OWN, when really we were created to live and breathe as part of a community. I was praying for my kids, my family, my friends, my church...
I have been privileged for the last 7 years to be part of our church, Journeys Church, which my husband started. We started with only a handful of people 7 years ago and when I went to church this last weekend I was overcome and humbled about the community that God has brought together and continues to grow. I am so thankful. We are a mostly young group with many kids under the age of 9. We laugh together, encourage one another and share life together.
As I was praying tonite though, I realized that I don't do a very good job of being vulnerable with those that I should be. I want to be the strong one, the one who seemingly can be the one who cares all the time but every once in a while, it cracks. And I am reminded that living in community also means being ready and willing to receive. Let me give you and example....

A couple of weeks ago, my husband was on a trip for work out of town. it was day 11 of 11. I took the kids to church and apparently the 2 little ones did not want to be on their good behavior (cried the whole time...well maybe 80%) through the service. I took them up to the front as I went for communion thinking...almost done and then we can go home and they can have a nap; not a great spot to be in when going for communion!  In the quiet of the moment they realized that there was food and when I told them they couldn't have it they started full on screaming. I took them both by the hands, barely containing my tears and headed for the back room. They missed their daddy, they were tired...I know all this but I felt done. I just hugged them as they and me cried.  In walks a really good friend and just gives me a hug. Then asks me how I am doing and I told her that earlier that morning, my van had died (yes we all packed into the neon to get to church). So she tells me that she will take my girls, go get her booster cables and come to the house to help. Wow. Then I walked out of the room and another friend came and gave me a hug and proceeded to tell me that she was coming over for the next couple of hours to look after the kids and that I should go out. It is hard to accept help but since I love helping others, I gratefully said OK. Amazing. I went to starbucks for a couple of hours, brought a book and was refreshed.

Tonight, my heart is heavy for our church community. I have praying that God would be ever present in our lives and sustain through the difficult times. Amidst happy and good, there is almost always frustration and discouragment. There have been many of these times, it seems in the last year.  Those are the times that we need each other most. And it is so easy to pull away, to think we can do it on our own. But we can't. God teaches us and shows Himself and more of who He is, through others. For those of you reading that are from our church, I love you. I do not always show it, nor always make the time to ask how you are doing. And that is not right. But know that myself and as a family, we care about you deeply and are always there...no matter what.

I am sorry this maybe turned into a ramble...but I am beyond blessed that I get to experience life with these people at our church. They are awesome! And know that I am praying for you. And thank you for all that you are and have done for our family...we are so blessed to be a part of what God is doing and can't wait to see what the future brings!

Blessings,
Candra