Over one month ago I left Canada to bring our 3 new sons home. Has it only been one month?!?!?!? As I'm sure you can imagine, it's been a very unique & challenging time. But we have all survived! And even managed to keep a sense of humour too. How could we not with these boys we can never keep inside???
One priority we made for the sake of the boys was to have me living in the basement with them & sleeping in their room. There are a lot of reasons why - I won't get into attachment & trauma & security topics here. In a kind of comical way, the last month has been a lot like being in college dorms again....
So here are the top 10 reasons I feel like I'm back to dorm living:
#10 - I sleep in the same room as 3 other guys (& don't get much sleep). And there's always one annoying guy who figures they need to wake everyone else up because they are awake. Ps - I'm remembering you Langner!!!
#9 - Speaking of sleeping, I haven't been in my own bed for 4 weeks & lay on a really uncomfortable single mattress that is killing my back. Dorm bed all over again.
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| my view every night |
#8 - I'm hearing about video games & movies everyday (my new sons at one point were asking about Grand Theft Auto - somebody brought it to the orphanage on their laptop while visiting.... Someone needs to teach adults they should be more concerned with discretion than looking cool in front of kids!)
#7- There's telling of macho stories of fending off animal attacks. My oldest son has taught us about hyenas and what to do (or not to do). 'A' has been hit so hard by a goat that it knocked him into the air. I hear about using slingshots against parrots, getting dragged around by goats, etc. So I tell them about chasing (and being chased by) bears. One-up-manship goes beyond cultural differences!
#6 - There's lots of bodily function sounds & LOTS of bad smells.... I can't wait to get the fecal test results back so we can medicate them properly. Huge respect points for my determined wife who had to take care of that collection 3 x 3 times while I've been at work!!!!
#5 - I need caffeine to make it thru any of my days. I'm up ridiculous hours and woken up at random times during the nights. I actually got better sleeps in college even though my 2nd year I was only in bed once prior to 2am.....
#4 - My 'floor' is the best. PERIOD. We come up with the stupidest ideas. I'm essentially living in a dorm: the basement is Main Men's 1 with 6 residents and upstairs is Main Ladies 2 with 3 residents. We see each other sometimes, but mostly by passing each other in the common areas. The guys floor is (as expected) more messy & smelly. And we never consider pranking the girls floor.... Not gonna lie, I've been messaging & emailing Candra from my temporary room. It's like we are dating & she lives 'off campus'.
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| This is a tame face. 'A' had one that made Candra almost throw up! My 'floor' is really goofy. |
#3 - I eat poorly at odd times. Dynamics during meal time are different than in college though. Meals have been a revolving door of enforcing rules. 'Don't throw things' or 'don't make the placemats into airplanes', 'everyone tries a little bit', & cleaning up food spills, reminding kids to use utensils & not their hands (or mouths right off the plate) etc. Ok, maybe it's not that different.... Ha! I start cutting food & policing while Candra serves. By the time she is ready to eat the new kids are done & getting into trouble, so I grab a couple quick spoonfuls before running off after them as she sits down
#2 - I constantly need to do laundry. Even though we do at least a load a day, it constantly piles up on us.
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| Speaking of piling up: this is fairly common whether I'm in bed or anywhere in the house.... |
And the #1 reason I wonder whether I am back living in a dorm..... (Insert drumroll here)......
#1 - I'm looking forward to life with a wife!
We find the odd quiet moment, but we were just joking today that important decisions get 60 seconds and everything else gets talked about in a lot shorter time spans. I'm enormously thankful for the intentional time we've spent working on our marriage & friendship. Without it & especially the grace of God, we wouldn't be able to joke around and still be willing to fight FOR each other (instead of just with each other). This may be the most challenging season of life we've been thru - and we've been thru a lot together.
BUT.... Good bye dorm living!
This weekend has marked the transition out of 'dorm mode' for me. My stuff is mostly moved out of the room of our 3 new sons and most of my other regularly used items are making their way upstairs again from other areas of the basement. There has been some grieving from the boys about the change in sleeping arrangements, but I'll be hanging out just outside their room for as many nights as it takes to keep the progress up.
On a funny/slightly annoying note. I literally timed it & it is very easy to hear 'dad?' 19 times in 15 seconds. Most times it's a lot more dad's/second. That's the speed I measure my time at home by. The slower the d's/sec the better for my sanity. I make sure to point out to my new sons (and the other 4 kids) that they sound exactly like the seagulls on 'Finding Nemo' (they've all seen it). Instead of 'mine', it's 'dad?'. Imagine that all day!!! Poor Candra has that at home all day....
Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom....
If you don't hear from us for another month, send reinforcements (preferably a full squadron).
Riley
